Political Irony

“President Obama throws out the first pitch at the All-Star Game. And people are criticizing him because he had the big baggy jeans on, but Obama says Americans have it all wrong if they want a president who looks great in tight jeans. I think that was Al Gore’s campaign slogan, wasn’t it?” – David Letterman

“I want to tell you something. In all honesty, if we had wanted a president who looked good in pants, we’d have elected Hillary. You know what I mean?” – David Letterman

“Yesterday, to commemorate the 40th anniversary of the moon landing, the three astronauts from Apollo 11 visited the White House. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were allowed to set foot inside the White House, while Michael Collins was forced to drive around in circles outside.” – Conan O’Brien

“Yesterday, Obama extended Dick Cheney – you remember Dick Cheney, Vice President Dick ‘Ka-Boom’ Cheney, you remember him? He extended his Secret Service protection for another six months. Hey, I’ll tell you who needs protection, Cheney’s hunting buddies.” – David Letterman

“Cheney needs protection. Yeah, protection from bacon.” – David Letterman

“A new book reveals that George Bush’s twin daughters Jenna and Barbara were a nightmare for Secret Service to keep tabs on. The girls responded, ‘That’s not true. We had tabs at every bar we went to.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“You remember before the election, in October and September, and the big convention, all people could talk about was Sarah Palin and John McCain? And now, this is Sarah Palin’s last week in office as governor of Alaska. Isn’t that crazy? Going back to her old job as IHOP hostess.” – David Letterman

“But Sunday will be a big day for Sarah Palin. That’s the day she plans to go on her porch and wave goodbye to Russia. Then she’ll run back in the House and jiggle the handle.” – David Letterman

“On Monday, Defense Secretary Robert Gates, announced that the U.S. will send an additional 22,000 troops to Iraq to speed up the withdrawal effort. It’s all part of the Administration’s new exit strategy, ‘Reverse Psychology.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Here’s how bad the economy is. Now people can’t afford to be buried in a cemetery so they’re being buried in their backyard. Well, I mean, you think about it. You sink all your money into real estate. Why not go with it?” – David Letterman

“Good News for California. This just came out. Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has apparently found a way to close the state’s $26 billion budget shortfall. Schwarzenegger says it won’t be pretty, but times like this call for a sequel to ‘Jingle All The Way.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Seriously, though, this is very good news. You should be happy. Schwarzenegger has found a way to close the state’s $26 billion budget deficit. It’s giant. Now I can’t get into all the details, but in short, Fresno is now part of China.” – Conan O’Brien

Special Extra: even more Late Night Political Humor on video.