Political Irony

“In the end Sotomayor coasted through the hearings by proving she had a great respect for judicial precedent. The judicial precedent being that Supreme Court nominees do their best during a hearing to say nothing.” – Jon Stewart

“Earlier today, at her confirmation hearing, Sonia Sotomayor said that judges gather information from everywhere, including Wikipedia, which explains why she kept citing the landmark case Roe v. Wade Boggs.” – Conan O’Brien

“Have you had a chance to watch the confirmation hearings going down at Washington, D.C., with Sonia Sotomayor, to be the next Supreme Court justice? And it’s been like three or four days now. I’m telling you, she is on fire. She is so confident about getting the confirmation. Did you see this morning? She opened up, she goes outside the Capitol, does a couple of songs on the marquee.” – David Letterman

“Here in California, we have no money. Our budget situation is a mess. And when you have no money, what do you do? You sell drugs, right? A state representative from San Francisco just introduced a bill that would legalize marijuana. He claims it would raise almost $1.5 billion a year for the state in taxes, and another $3 billion in Cheeto sales.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Ladies and gentlemen, California may have solved its budget problems. True story — a politician in California has proposed a plan that eliminates the state’s budget deficit by legalizing and taxing the sale of marijuana. It’s called Proposition Fo’ Shizzle.” – Conan O’Brien

“I got the latest on South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. Governor Sanford is spending this week on vacation with his wife in order to improve their marriage. Apparently, it’s not going well, because Sanford keeps introducing his wife as ‘my wing man.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Hillary Clinton’s in the news. She’s recovering very well from her broken elbow. They revealed this today in the paper. As part of Hillary Clinton’s physical therapy for her elbow, several times a day, doctors have her repeatedly squeeze a gelatinous ball. Yeah, although it was Hillary’s idea to scream, ‘Take that, you son of a bitch!'” – Conan O’Brien

“John McCain’s in the news. CNN reports that Senator John McCain has more than a million followers on Twitter. And apparently, every single one of McCain’s tweets says, ‘The nurse is stealing from me.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Earlier today, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said he will strike Iran’s enemies ‘in the face so hard’ that they will lose their way home. Then he told Israel to meet him after school by the flagpole.” – Conan O’Brien