Political Irony

“President Obama is in Russia. Today he waved to Sarah Palin.” – David Letterman

“Today, in Russia, President Obama delivered a speech to the graduating class of Moscow’s new economic school. That’s right. The title of his speech was ‘Can We Borrow 4 Trillion Rubles, Please?'” – Conan O’Brien

“But it’s an important trip for Obama to go to Russia. He’s gotten a lot of concessions. He has now gotten the Russians to agree to decrease production of nuclear warheads. Well that’s not bad right there. And, that’s not all. They’re going to increase production of fruit-flavored vodka.” – David Letterman

“Yesterday, President Obama met with Russian President Dimitry Medvedev. This morning, he met with Prime Minister Vladimir Putin. Then, this afternoon, he met with former President Mikhail Gorbachev. At the end of each meeting, Obama would twist the Russian leader at their waist, then the next slightly smaller leader would pop out.” – Conan O’Brien

“But it’s not all fun and games for President Obama over there in Russia. He has a busy agenda. Today, he visited the birthplace of Yakov Smirnoff.” – David Letterman

“It’s an emotional day. A lot of us are still mourning the loss of one of America’s most entertaining figures, who left us all too soon. But don’t worry, folks, Sarah Palin will be back. Comedians everywhere are praying.” – Conan O’Brien

“Now how about this, ladies and gentlemen? The Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, has announced she is stepping down. She will no longer be the Governor of Alaska. First thing, she woke up and went out on her porch and waved goodbye to Russia. Obama was waving to her.” – David Letterman

“And people are puzzled by this. They say, ‘Well Governor, Sarah, what are you going to do? What’s going to happen?’ And insiders believe that she hopes to be the next ‘Octomom.’ But I don’t know.” – David Letterman

“But she’s going to take the summer off, and then will come back next fall in the 10 o’clock slot.” – David Letterman

“Speaking of Sarah Palin, Senator John McCain was reportedly surprised by Sarah Palin’s resignation as governor of Alaska. He said he was surprised. McCain was also surprised to find that television now comes in color.” – Conan O’Brien

“She said that before she decided to quit, she called Dick Cheney. Do you remember Dick ‘Ka-boom’ Cheney? And I thought, well, this is great because when you want some advice on strategic maneuvers, I mean, you go to the architect of the Iraqi war. I mean, isn’t that where you go? That’s where you want to be.” – David Letterman

“But friends of Governor Palin are saying that she is resigning because she is tired of attacks from the media. Thank God I didn’t say anything.” – David Letterman

“Here’s something wacky. Osama bin Laden’s first wife — and this guy has literally like 40 wives or something, yeah, 40 wives — well his first wife, wife No. 1, is writing a book all about Osama bin Laden. It’s a fascinating story. And it talks about when Osama was 16 years old, when he was just a kid, listen to this, he wrecked the family camel.” – David Letterman

“But the book is going to be huge. It’s being published by Random Cave.” – David Letterman

“Anybody here from Minnesota? Congratulations on your new senator, Al Franken, finally sworn in as Senator of Minnesota. Sworn in today, down in Washington. A lovely ceremony, officiated by the Church Lady.” – David Letterman

“They swear him in today. Listen to this. He has to race right back to Minnesota to begin his re-election campaign. It’s crazy.” – David Letterman

“General Motors had some good news. General Motors says it’s struggling to meet demand for its new 2010 Chevrolet Camaro. G.M. said they’re ‘sorry, but both of you are going to have to wait a little longer.'” – Conan O’Brien