“President Obama gave his first State of the Union address to a joint session of Congress tonight. Obama focused on the three most critical things he wants Americans to understand: first, that the economy is in a lot of trouble; second, that the road to recovery won’t be easy; and third, that it’s all President Bush’s fault.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“We begin tonight in Washington, where Barack Obama has most likely just finished his address to the nation, no doubt shocking observers with his call for a global Christian crusade. I don’t think anybody saw that coming. And he also introduced the poverty relief program that included a plan to, this is interesting, lift the societal taboos on eating adorable animals. He actually ended his speech tonight with the phrase, ‘We’re coming for you, kittens. And we’re bringing the A-1.'” -Jon Stewart
“The speech was televised on all the networks. Fox had to move ‘American Idol’ tonight to accommodate it, which is outrageous. But that’s why it was smart that Obama opened by singing “Living on a Prayer.’ Even Simon liked it, it was very well done.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“So, why did Obama go to Canada? … It’s Canada. It’s the diplomatic equivalent of a preseason game. You’re working on your fundamentals. You get to practice the airport meet and greet, get to do a little state walk, try not to giggle at eccentric locals … and, of course, the traditional signing of the guest book? Canada has world leaders sign their guest book? Are you a country, or a bed and breakfast?” -Jon Stewart
“All in all, Obama spent, and this is true, seven hours in Canada. Ranking his first diplomatic trip on our ‘How Long Americans Stay in Canada Scale,’ above a firecracker/prescription drug run, and just below an underage Montreal bachelor party.” -Jon Stewart
“Tonight is President Obama’s first address to Congress. I’m TiVo-ing it, don’t tell me who won. I certainly hope he was a little more optimistic than he has been. It’s all part of his plan to stimulate the economy through sales of Paxil.” -Stephen Colbert
