“Happy TGIF. You know what TGIF stands for? The Governor Is Fired.” -Jay Leno
“The Illinois State Legislature on Thursday voted unanimously to remove Governor Rod Blagojevich from office and barred him from ever holding public office in the state again. When informed of his impeachment, Blagojevich was so stunned his hair stood on end, killing six people in the office above.” -Seth Meyers
“Rod Blagojevich … now out of a job, he’s disgraced, he’s unpopular. In fact today, he got a note from President Bush saying, ‘Hey, welcome to the club.'” -Jay Leno
“He said today he loves the people of Illinois more today than he ever has before. And the people of Illinois said, ‘You know, we’re just not that into you.'” -Jay Leno
“Yesterday, the Republican National Committee selected Michael Steele, an African American, as their new party chairman. You guys know it doesn’t work with just any black guy, right?” -Seth Meyers
“Just a couple of hours ago, the Republican Party elected Michael Steele as the first African-American chairman of the GOP. That shows you, the Republican Party isn’t just for stuffy, old white guys anymore. There’s plenty of room for stuffy, old black guys, too.” -Jay Leno
“In an interview with Al-Arabiya, an Arab-language news channel, President Obama said that he wanted to persuade Muslims that the Americans were not your enemy. In an early sign of improvement, the crowd of protestors outside began chanting, ‘Injury to America.’ So that’s better.” -Seth Meyers
“According to the New York Times, President Obama having a more relaxed White House dress code than the Bush administration. Though not nearly as relaxed as the Clinton administration.” -Jay Leno
