Political Irony

“Tonight’s presidential debate was actually what they called town hall style, which means instead of ignoring the moderator’s questions, the candidates can ignore the voters directly.” -Jay Leno

“This was what they call the town hall format, and that means that the candidates get to walk around on stage, and it was pretty successful, John McCain only wandered off twice.” -David Letterman

“It’s a town hall format, which is John McCain’s favorite way to speak to crowds, as opposed to Barack Obama’s favorite way, a sermon on the mount. See, it’s a little different.” -Jay Leno

“The second presidential debate is tonight. And beforehand, I don’t know if you heard this, John McCain said, ‘The gloves are coming off.’ That’s what he said, yeah. Yeah, then McCain said, ‘but don’t worry, the diaper is staying on.'” -Conan O’Brien

“Tonight’s presidential debate took place in Nashville, Tennessee, which is perfect, ’cause the economy right now is kind of like a bad country song, isn’t it? ‘I lost my girl, I lost the house, the dog died, the trailer’s gone.'” -Jay Leno

“This presidential debate was held in Nashville, Tennessee, and I think, according to Sarah Palin, that borders Iraq. I’m not sure.” -David Letterman

“In a recent speech, Sarah Palin referred to Afghanistan as ‘our neighboring country.’ Yeah, yeah. Then she promised to find Osama bin Laden in the mountains of Toronto.” -Conan O’Brien

“In Boca Raton, Florida, yesterday, a woman who looked like Sarah Palin caused a near riot when she walked into a diner for breakfast. And after a minute or two, people finally realized it wasn’t her when she started answering questions.” -Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin is attacking Barack Obama for palling around with terrorists. Like this William Ayers guy, apparently a ’60s radical who allegedly once set off a bomb in a Capitol building men’s room. Set off a bomb in the men’s room? Well, Senator Larry Craig said, ‘The guy’s an animal! What a horrible, despicable thing to do!'” -Jay Leno

“John McCain’s wife, Cindy McCain, has won the ‘Family Circle’ magazine presidential cookie contest. Cindy won with a recipe for oatmeal butterscotch cookies, narrowly beating out Michelle Obama with her recipe for macadamia nut cookies filled with hope.” -Jay Leno

“In fact, John McCain says his wife’s cookies are so soft, he can eat them without even putting his teeth in. Well, you see, with all of the excitement of the election, it’s easy to forget about President President Bush, because next year, he’ll be unemployed and he’ll be at that awkward age — too young to retire, yet too old to decimate another nation’s economy.” -Jay Leno

“President Bush’s response to this economic crisis was to meet with some small business owners at a soda shop in San Antonio, Texas, this week. Well, the bad news? The small business owners are now General Motors, General Electric, and Century 21.” -Jay Leno

“President Bush gave a speech today about the economy. And he said he believes, this is his quote. He said, ‘Anyone who makes bad decisions should fail.’ That’s what he said, yeah. Yeah, then Bush looked around the room and said, ‘Hey, why did it get so quiet in here?'” -Conan O’Brien