Be sure to watch the video of Letterman — it is classic.
“Senator John McCain was supposed to be on the program tonight. Were you aware of that? But he had to cancel the show because he is suspending his campaign, because the economy is exploding. And you know, John McCain is the running mate of Sarah Palin. You’re aware of that? And so John McCain calls up and he said, ‘I’m not going to be there, kids, because everything is going to hell.’ And here’s the funny part, nobody told his vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, and honest to God, right now, she’s still circling the theater in the white minivan. She’s going to pick him up later.”
“And then, after McCain canceled being on the show, he rushed right back to Washington to deal with the economic crisis, and I thought, whoa, well, he sure nipped that in the bud, didn’t he?”
“And I was thinking about this. Well, maybe if he hadn’t taken two years off to run for president, he wouldn’t have to rush back to Washington now to deal with the crisis.”
“I know a lot of you folks are saying that the big tragedy is the fact that he won’t be here tonight. But he’s also cancelling the debate on Friday. … So that means Barack Obama will now have to debate Regis.”
“Yup, John McCain said to me the economy ‘is about to crater.’ You folks worried about the economy? Whoo! Not me. Not me. I’ve got all my money in second-hand FEMA trailers.”
“Oh, but Sarah Palin, you know, was at the U.N. yesterday, and she was a big hit. She’s over there meeting all of the world leaders. She’s still learning who the world leaders are. Right now, she thinks that Warren Buffett is the head of Margaritaville.”
“And she was at the General Assembly, Sarah Palin was, and somebody said, ‘Look, over there, that’s the president of Georgia.’ And she said, ‘Wow, Jimmy Carter?’ And then she said, ‘Boy, I hope I get to meet Queen Latifa.'”
“You know who else is in town at the U.N.? Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and I believe this is his first visit to New York City since his 1970s affair with Barbara Walters.”
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