Political Irony

“The Dow went up 410 points today on Wall Street. You may already know, the government has bailed two huge financial companies out, and today, they strongly hinted that they would bail the rest of them out, at taxpayers’ expense. It’s all part of a new approach our leaders in the White House and Congress are taking to the economy. It’s called socialism.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“President Bush is doing his best to respond to the crisis. I love that that gets giggles. That’s not even a joke. It’s just me discussing what’s really going on.” –Conan O’Brien

“The stock market was up 400 points today. Or as Democrats call that, ‘Terrible news!’ Barack Obama said today, again, he wants to raise taxes on the rich. That’s provided if, by November, anyone is still rich.” –Jay Leno

“Due to the current crisis on Wall Street, President Bush announced just a few hours ago that he’s canceled a trip to Alabama. That’s true. Yeah, Bush said, ‘Under the circumstances, I didn’t think it was right to leave the country.'” –Conan O’Brien

“When it comes to the economy, President Bush is no help at all. Like when reporters asked him today, what he thought about AIG, he said he got Showtime and HBO, but he really didn’t get the whole package.” –Jay Leno

“And the Democratic-controlled Congress says they’re going to adjourn for the rest of the year. This is true. The Senate majority leader said regarding the financial crisis, no one knows what to do. Well there’s a ringing endorsement to re-elect them, huh? ‘Hey, good luck! You’re on your own! We’re leaving!'” –Jay Leno

“Big story in USA Today today. They said the days of easy money are over. Well, I’ll bet the CEOs of the oil companies had a big laugh over that.” –Jay Leno

“The political campaign continues, of course, for the presidency. This Sunday, the entire hour of ’60 Minutes’ will be devoted to Barack Obama and John McCain. Yeah. Apparently, Barack Obama will be interviewed. John McCain will fill in for Andy Rooney.” –Conan O’Brien

“This week, someone hacked into Sarah Palin’s Yahoo! account and read her emails. Yeah, reading Palin’s email is a great way to hear what she has to say, without having to listen to her voice” –Conan O’Brien

“Hey, anybody see Sarah Palin on the Fox News show, ‘Hannity & Colmes?’ You see that? Nobody watched. Here’s my question. What happened to Colmes? Wasn’t he supposed to be the Democrat? What, did he get shipped to Guantanamo? What happened to him? What, is it ‘Hannity and No Colmes’? Is that what it’s called?” –Jay Leno

Extra Bonus:

“Sen. McCain bragged about how as chairman of the Commerce Committee in the Senate, he had oversight of every part of the economy. Well, all I can say to Sen. McCain is, ‘Nice job. Nice job.'” -Barack Obama