“Jesse Jackson is now apologizing to Barack Obama for some extremely crude comments he made about Obama after an interview on Fox News. Jackson didn’t know the microphone was on and he said some nasty stuff. So yet another reverend Obama has to distance himself from. What is this, this guy has the worst luck with preachers of anybody I know! Oh man!” -Jay Leno
“They’re now investigating why Barack Obama’s loaner charter jet had mechanical problems the other day. Remember, he had to make an emergency stop in St. Louis. ABC News says the jet was previously used by Hillary Clinton. See, so Hillary let Barack borrow her plane and it had problems — I wonder what that was all about!” -Jay Leno
“The African-American cable network TV One is coming under fire for its plans to cover the Democratic convention, but not the Republican convention. And believe me, black Republicans are very upset — both of them.” -Jay Leno
“President Bush is in Japan for the G-8 summit. Again, another embarrassing incident at dinner. I guess President Bush sent his sushi back cause it was cold. Throw it on the grill a little bit there!” -Jay Leno
“Osama Bin Laden’s teenage son Timmy Bin Laden has released a poem calling for the destruction of America and the killing of all its allies. Imagine a kid writing something like that. Here’s my question: where are the parents?” -Jay Leno
“This is what I love about America. According to a new report, after people started getting their government stimulus checks in the mail, internet porn sites had a 30% increase. You know what that means? People use their stimulus package to stimulate their packages.” -Jay Leno
“The Democratic party announced this week that Barack Obama will give his acceptance speech at an 80,000-seat stadium, and that they will not serve fried food at the Democratic convention. Those are the two things they announced. Yeah, which begs the question: where are they gonna find 80,000 Americans who don’t eat fried food? It’s not gonna happen.” -Conan O’Brien
