“Al Gore. Think about it. If he endorses you, you’re getting an endorsement from a guy who has received an Academy Award, received a Grammy, and the Nobel Prize. Oh, and Gore also won a competitive eating contest.” -David Letterman
“Al Gore has endorsed Barack Obama for president. How about that? Political experts say this is great, because it gives the Obama campaign a much-needed shot of boredom.” -David Letterman
“Yesterday, Barack Obama said, if he becomes president, he will replace the White House bowling alleys because it’s something he would never use. That’s what he said, yeah. Yeah, apparently, this is the same reason President Bush got rid of the White House library.” -Conan O’Brien
“Gay marriage is now legal in California and yesterday, a lesbian couple who are 83 and 87 years old got married. Witnesses are describing the ceremony as ‘beautiful’ – and the honeymoon as ‘horrifying.'” -Conan O’Brien
“Gay marriage now legal here in California. In fact, you hear who got married today in San Francisco? Rice and Roni. Yeah, finally got married.” -Jay Leno
“Remember Elian Gonzalez, the Cuban boy that came here and then was sent back home? Well, he’s now 14 years old and has joined Cuba’s Young Communist Union, which is the second most popular organization for Cubans to join, after the New York Yankees.” -Jay Leno
“In a recent interview, President Bush acknowledged that he has had some regrets about his presidency. He says you don’t get a second chance to do things over in his line of work. Really? What was that second term all about? Wasn’t that supposed to be the chance to fix all this?” -Jay Leno
“John McCain, listen to this, he is going after the Hillary Clinton female voters. As a matter of fact, today he was campaigning in a pantsuit.” -David Letterman
“Tonight, we’re going to examine the audacity of fear. You know, there’s an awful lot to be afraid of in the world. Terrorists, tomatoes. … There’s one emerging fear that trumps all others. Baracknophobia. It is defined as the irrational fear of hope. The irrational fear that behind the mild-mannered facade, Barack Obama is intent on enslaving the white race. It’s true. Wake up, white people.” -Jon Stewart
UPDATE: special bonus: interesting review of a book “Strange Bedfellows, How Late Night Comedy Turns Democracy Into a Joke”.
