Political Irony

“We are very excited to have the president of the United States on the show tonight. As you know, he only does these shows maybe once or twice a week.” – Jay Leno

[Leno and Obama]
Leno to Obama: “What’s this thing with Trump and you? It’s like me and Letterman. I don’t get it.”
Obama: “This all dates back to when we were growing up together in Kenya.”

“Donald Trump said he’d give $5 million to charity if President Obama released his college transcripts. Obama responded by sending Trump a full transcript from his alma mater, the University of Shove It Up Your Ass.” – Conan O’Brien

“Actually, do you know why the president is here tonight? Do you know the real reason? To talk to NBC about canceling ‘The Apprentice’.” – Jay Leno

“The first lady will be a guest on our show tomorrow. She’ll be here to promote her new reality show, ‘America’s Next Top Lady’.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“I’m excited to get a chance to interview the first lady and excited about partying with her Secret Service agents after the show.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“A new poll found that 59 percent of Americans would rather eat a burger with President Obama while only 41 percent would eat one with Mitt Romney. While most Americans don’t care who they’re with, as long as they get that burger. ” – Jimmy Fallon

“Even though he’s spending all day on Air Force One, there’s an office on the plane where the president can work. It’s just like being in Washington. He’s got the desk, he’s got the computer, and he even has a closet that has a group of Republicans who pop out and block anything he tries to do.” – Jay Leno

“Experts say the entire 2012 election could come down to just eight states. The states are: confusion, dismay, depression, apathy, shock, disbelief, despair, and anxiety. Those are the eight states.” – Jay Leno

“Do you know who is endorsing Mitt Romney? Lindsay Lohan. It may seem silly to you but not to the Romney campaign. They’re very excited. They said they have a chance now to get the shoplifter vote.” – David Letterman

“A source close to Mitt Romney revealed that he gets a spray tan before major campaign events. I guess that explains his new Secret Service code name: ‘The Mittuation.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Earlier today, vice-presidential hopeful Paul Ryan gave a major policy address on poverty. We’re still not sure whether he’s for it or against it, but he was talking about poverty.” – David Letterman

If you somehow missed the internet meme that inspired this, here it is — Gangnam Style. Ironically, PSY’s Gangnam Style video is making fun of the uber-affluent, soul-less area of Seoul “where people are rich, girls are pretty and everything is supposed to be cool“. And where people own horses they don’t ride. Sound familiar?

© Ruben Bolling

My favorite is “Diarrhyan”, but mostly because I had to say it out loud before I got the joke. After that, I got “HemorRoves” much more quickly.

“A new Gallup poll shows that Mitt Romney now has a 7 point lead on President Obama. That’s right, Romney leads by 7 points among people who still answer landline calls from a blocked number.” – Seth Meyers

“Gallup had Romney ahead today by 7 points nationally. Big Bird was depressed, he was just pecking at his food.” – Bill Maher

“Both Republicans and Democrats are saying that Latino voters will decide who wins in three key states, Colorado, Florida and Nevada. Or as the candidates are now calling them Colorado, Florida y Nevada.” – Seth Meyers

“Obama is still ahead in the swing states and among women. He is of course losing among men and in any states were you can buy the Confederate flag in a mall.” – Bill Maher

“Reality TV star Honey Boo Boo this week endorsed President Obama during an appearance on the Jimmy Kimmel Show. I knew Obama was pro-birth control, but I didn’t know birth control was pro-Obama.” – Seth Meyers

“Endorsements are rolling in. The Atheist Party has endorsed Obama for president. When told the news Obama said, ‘Thank God’.” – Conan O’Brien

“You can sense the election getting very close. Both candidates are now working very hard to shore up their support among women. In fact, today they both pledged to increase domestic production of Ryan Gosling movies.” – Conan O’Brien

“This week’s debate format was a little different. First of all, there were two debaters.” – Bill Maher

“Yesterday Mitt Romney’s son Tagg said that during the debate he wanted to punch President Obama for calling his father a liar. He also wants to punch his father for giving him the name Tagg.” – Conan O’Brien

“Obama raised his game, so Romney thought he had to bump up his game even more, so he kind of looked like a prick. At one point he said to the President of the United States, ‘Hang on, you’ll get your chance.’ You should not be surprised, the Mormon church has been saying this to black people for decades.” – Bill Maher

“Mitt Romney said he had binders of women made up. But first of all, who else keeps binders of women? Serial killers. Every serial killer movie, the cops bust into the serial killer’s lair and what do they find? Binders of women… and then they open the freezer and a head falls out.” – Bill Maher

“He never answered the question about equal pay for women. An anecdote in not a policy. When asked about equal pay, he said he supports women in the workforce. This is like being asked about ending slavery, and saying, ‘I’m wearing cotton right now.'” – Bill Maher

“The part of the debate I thought was most telling was when Mitt Romney claimed that Obama did not call the Benghazi attack in September an act of terror until two weeks later. And then Obama said, ‘Check the transcript, asshole.’ And then Candy Crowley, the moderator, came in and said, ‘Yes, I was there, it’s true, he did call it that.’ Well, Fox News was pissed off about this. They said, ‘We have seen a lot of low-down dirty debate tricks, but introducing facts!’ And Mitt Romney was furious. He was so mad at Candy Crowley, he took her right out of his lady binder.” – Bill Maher

“The Mormons had good news today. Billy Graham, who is 112, has taken Mormonism off his website’s list of cults. This is typical of Christian right’s stance on Mitt Romney. They still believe he will go to Hell for all eternity but in this life, they’d like a tax cut.” – Bill Maher

“Today Joe Walsh, the douchebag congressman from Illinois said abortion to save the life of a mother, that’s just an excuse. He said modern technology and science make it so you cannot find one instance where there’s dying in child birth. Ladies, before Election Day comes, ask your doctor if the Tea Party is right for you.” – Bill Maher

“Most of the people who will be disenfranchised are black, Latino, young people; basically anyone that can dance.” – Bill Maher (on voter fraud laws)