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Carried Away

The book “My Parents Open Carry” is about a 13-year-old and her parents “as they spend a typical Saturday running errands and having fun together. What’s not so typical is that Brenna’s parents lawfully open carry handguns for self-defense.”

But the best part are the quotes from editorial reviews, like:

“I’m going to read it to my kids tonight.” – Glenn Beck

“What a beautiful bedtime story…” – Stephen Colbert (link to video)

“Thank heavens! I… lament how closeted gun owners are, and how I seldom hear from them.” – The Washington Post

“…we strongly support providing children with information that will protect them from gun violence…” – Parents Against Gun Violence

Or even better, from customer reviews:

Can’t wait for the sequel, “My Black Parents Open Carried Until the Police Shot Them 146 Times”.

Not quite as compelling as the first book, ‘What Would Jesus Carry?”

If only the title was “My Two Mom’s Open carry” . The Pulitzer would be already decided.

I laughed, I cried …I accidentally shot my mailman in the face

really ties up all the loose ends left by “My Parents Are First Cousins”

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Police v. Bankers

Jen Sorensen
© Jen Sorensen

At some point, did we stop being a nation of laws? When will the powerful — bankers, police, politicians, even the president — be held to the same standards as the poor? Is that really too much to ask?

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Speaking of Obamacare and Embarrassment

Florida is one of the states that refused to expand Medicare coverage for poor people. Instead, last March the Republican-controlled state government created an alternative to Obamacare called Florida Health Choices, and appropriated over $2.5 million to start it up and launch its website.

So, how did that work out for them? So far, six months after the launch, Florida Health Choices has signed up a grand total of 30 people. That’s out of 764,000 people in Florida who are too poor to afford subsidized plans under Obamacare, but can’t qualify for Medicaid because Florida refused expansion.

Florida Health Choices was originally the brainchild of Marco Rubio, back in 2008 when he was the Speaker of the Florida House. When asked if now-Sentor Rubio still suppports Florida Health Choices, his spokesman said he did.

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Pound Foolish

A week or so ago, the Chicago Cubs had a bit of a disaster. Four and a half innings into the game it started raining — hard — but they didn’t have enough grounds crew to cover the field with tarps quickly enough. The attempt to cover the field was so pitiful the audience booed. Finally, after a long delay and with the field an unplayable mess, the game was called because of rain. Which gave a 2-0 win to the Cubs.

Their opponents, the SF Giants, protested the call and won. It was the first successful protest in major league baseball in 28 years. So the game was resumed two days later.

Now here’s the ironic part. It turns out that the Cubs had sent home ten workers from the grounds crew earlier that evening. Why did they do that? Because if those employees had worked more hours then the Cubs would have had to provide health insurance under Obamacare.

The Cubs claim that they were just trying to control costs, which is pretty funny considering that they are one of the top five baseball teams in revenues. An official with another team put it bluntly — he called them “cheap”. “Embarrassing” said another official, “and they got caught”.

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Late Night Political Humor

“Missouri Governor Jay Nixon apparently sent the National Guard to Ferguson without letting the White House know first. When he heard he was left out of such an important decision, Obama said, ‘Holy crap, I’ve been Bidened!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Yesterday Egypt’s foreign ministry called on the United States to show respect for the rights of protesters in Ferguson, Missouri. Yeah, Egypt said that. Man, talk about living in glass pyramids.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Disneyworld has become a popular location for Republican fundraisers. A favorite activity is to ride through It’s a Small World and deport most of the dolls.” – Conan O’Brien

“Rick Perry, what a good-looking guy he is. As a requirement for being a Republican candidate for president, you have to look good in a mug shot. I hope this doesn’t ruin his chances of being our next dumb president from Texas.” –David Letterman

“Texas Governor Rick Perry has been charged with two felonies. Yesterday, after he got his mug shot, he went out for ice cream – or, as Mayor Rob Ford calls it, multi-tasking.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Chris Christie says he believes in Rick Perry’s honesty and integrity. Then, he said, ‘Pass me some of that ice cream!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Anthony Weiner is opening a restaurant. Honest to God, how many of you — other than losing a bet, how many of you would go to have a meal at Anthony Weiner’s restaurant? Plus it’s a drive-thru. You pull your car up, you roll down your window, and you scream your order right into his fly.” – David Letterman

“Happy birthday to former President Bill Clinton. He turned 68 today, or as he calls, ‘one away from the fun one.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Yesterday was Bill Clinton’s birthday. Hillary yelled surprise, and out of habit, Bill yelled, ‘I can explain.” – Conan O’Brien

“Hillary Clinton is returning to Iowa next month for the first time since her failed presidential run in 2008. Hillary denies just being there for politics. She said, ‘I love Iowa for their … OK, I’m running for president.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Analysts say that President Obama has been ignoring Hillary Clinton’s advice for years – which is why we’ve yet to see him in a pantsuit.” – Conan O’Brien

“‘Meet the Press’ has fired host David Gregory and hired another guy, Chuck Todd, to host. To me, if your name is Chuck Todd, it might as well be David Gregory. Todd Chuck, Gregory David, it makes no difference. They’re all interchangeable.” – David Letterman

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The Media is the Message

Jon Stewart nails it again, with humor.

My favorite quote is the guy who says “You know who talks about race? Racists.” Isn’t he talking about race? Does that mean he is identifying himself as a racist? If so, then I’m agreeing with him!

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Late Night Political Humor

“Texas Governor Rick Perry has been indicted after he threatened to veto funding for a district attorney’s office unless she stepped down. He’s now the most controversial governor in the country – which is why today he got a gift basket from Chris Christie.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Rumor has it that Texas Gov. Rick Perry badly wants to run in the next presidential race. You can tell Perry’s behind it because they’re starting to make signs that says ‘Perry 2017′.” – Conan O’Brien

“It looks like Rick Perry’s chances in 2016 might be in trouble. Or as Hillary put it, ‘One down, four more to go’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Obama was on a two-week break with his family and had to cut it short by two days, had to go back to Washington. I’m thinking: you spend two weeks with your family, you’re going to need a two-day break. Am I right?” – David Letterman

“A survey found that 75 percent of Americans don’t use up all their vacation days. While the rest apparently loaned them to President Obama. He’s on vacation again!” – Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama had to cut his vacation short two days to go back to Washington. You know why? Vice President Joe Biden had locked himself out of the White House.” – David Letterman

“Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush announced he is against medical marijuana in the state because it could hurt the tourism industry. Then Jamaica was like, ‘You sure man?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“David Gregory, a longtime newsman over at NBC news, is no longer the host of ‘Meet the Press’. He took over for Tim Russert, and now they just booted him. They just kicked him right out the door. He’s following a trail I blazed at NBC.” – David Letterman

“David Gregory is being replaced by a guy named Chuck Todd, which indicates to me that in order to host that program you have to have two first names.” – David Letterman

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Dope Saves Lives

A study just published in the Internal Medicine Journal of the American Medical Association finds that states that have legalized medical marijuana have 25% fewer deaths caused by overdoses of prescription drugs. The reduction in deaths occurred directly following the legalization of medical marijuana.

According to the lead author of the study: “We think that people with chronic pain may be choosing to treat their pain with marijuana rather than with prescription painkillers, in states where this is legal.”

Other studies have had similar results. This is probably caused by the fact that the occurrence of addiction is significantly lower with medical marijuana than with prescription painkillers, overdose is virtually unheard of, and there has never been a medically documented case of death from smoking marijuana.

This is just one more example the insanity of the years of classifying marijuana as a Schedule 1 drug, which does not allow any medical use. As marijuana was originally made illegal back when it was a popular drug with Blacks and Mexicans, I can only surmise that this was caused by pure, unadulterated racism. Even today, blacks are four times more likely to be arrested for possession of marijuana than whites, even though both groups use the drug at similar rates.

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Children?

Shannon Wheeler© Shannon Wheeler

Maybe we shouldn’t let the police in Ferguson play cops and robbers either.

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Three’s a Trend!

Three law enforcement officers (from three different police departments) involved in the Ferguson events have been suspended because of their extremely racist words and actions. How extreme? Here are some examples, courtesy of New York magazine:

St. Louis County officer Dan Page appears in a video posted to YouTube of an hour long speech he gave to the Oath Keepers, where he calls black people “little perverts”, Obama “that illegal alien claiming to be president”, gay people “sodomites”, Muslims “they will kill you”. But most troubling is his attitude toward killing:

I personally believe in Jesus Christ as my lord savior, but I’m also a killer. I’ve killed a lot. And if I need to, I’ll kill a whole bunch more. If you don’t want to get killed, don’t show up in front of me, it’s that simple. I have no problem with it. God did not raise me to be a coward.

Officer Page originally gained notoriety because he pushed CNN anchor Don Lemon while he was reporting live during a demonstration in Ferguson.

Next is Officer Matthew Pappert who works for the Glendale Police Department, which operates near where Michael Brown was killed by the police. After the protests started, Pappert started posting racist remarks to his Facebook page, including “These protesters should have been put down like a rabid dog the first night.” Pappert also called the demonstrators “a burden on society and a blight on the community” and “thugs” and suggested that “a Muslim with a backpack” deal with them somehow.

Last but not least is St. Ann Police Department officer Ray Albers, who came to fame for pointing a semi-automatic assault rifle at protestors in front of the media, to whom he threatened “I will fucking kill you”. When asked for his name by a reporter whom he had just shoved, he responded “Go fuck yourself.”

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Late Night Political Humor

“A new poll found that Rob Ford has fallen into second place in the race for Toronto mayor. Yeah, it’s bad news for Ford, and even worse news for my monologue.” – Jimmy Fallon

“This week a town in Minnesota elected a dog named Duke as its mayor. Yeah, they elected a mayor that pees on the street, sleeps on the floor, and eats out of the garbage. Then Toronto said, ‘Been there!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“People are still fighting about immigration. Congress is suing the president. I’m not saying things are bad, but the Middle East just sent diplomats to negotiate peace in OUR country.” – Jimmy Fallon

“The White House says President Obama won’t make any major announcements during his brief trip back to D.C. this weekend. Reporters said, ‘Isn’t THAT an announcement?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Oh this isn’t good. The Secret Service just arrested 13 people in New Jersey who were making counterfeit money. Which got worse when the counterfeiters said, ‘Are you sure this isn’t something a seven-dollar bill can’t get me out of?'” – Jimmy Fallon

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Let the War Mongering Begin

How does war mongering work? Well, first you plant the seeds of fear.

So it is hardly any surprise that presidential candidate and governor of Texas Rick Perry told an audience at the conservative Heritage Foundation in DC that it is a “very real possibility” that terrorists from the extremest group ISIS may have crossed into the US at the southern border. He did add that he has absolutely no evidence to support this, but the point he made is that as long as the border is insecure “individuals from ISIS or other terrorist states could be” taking advantage of the situation. “We need to have clear and compelling forces, both law and enforcement and otherwise, to send the message that the border is secure.”

Of course, making a border as long and isolated as the US southern border completely secure is completely impossible. And even if you could, how would you stop a terrorist-filled boat from landing anywhere on our extensive coastlines? It just reminds me of Reagan’s Strategic Defense Initiative (“Star Wars”) that threw hundreds of billions of dollars at defense contractors to guard against a threat that turned out to be a tempest in a teapot.

Perry went on to call for a stronger response to ISIS, including even more airstrikes. “When they talk about limited airstrikes, they place a great emphasis on the word ‘limited,’ yet clearly more airstrikes are necessary. Nothing less than a sustained air campaign to degrade and destroy ISIS forces is required.” And when asked by a reporter if he would support combat troops on the ground, Perry responded “all your options have to be open”.

The message of fear was amplified by a member of the Republican National Committee, who on her radio show said that the children from Central America coming across our border could be “highly trained as warriors who will meet up with their group here and actually rise up against us as Americans.” Her guest, a member of the Tea Party, agreed: “We do know that Hamas and Hezbollah run several training camps in Venezuela and other South American countries, and they are training these young – these youths – beginning as early as 8 or 9 years old through the MS13 gangs. They are being trained as warriors, you’re absolutely right.”

While I have a great deal of sympathy for the opinion that when we invaded Iraq (based on lies and misinformation), we broke it and now we have responsibility for fixing it. But the real question is what can we do that won’t merely make the situation worse?

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Front or Back

Victor White was arrested in Louisiana on drug charges. But what happened next is confusing, to say the least.

According to the Sheriff’s office, White – even though his hands were handcuffed behind his back – somehow managed to pull out a handgun he had hidden in his pants and then shot himself in the back.

That’s weird enough, but the autopsy performed by the Coroner’s Office claims that the cause of death was a gunshot wound to the chest. Yes, somehow White managed to shoot himself in the chest, even though his hands were tied behind his back.

Meanwhile, the death was ruled a suicide. State police have stated that the gun used to kill White is not a weapon carried by the Sheriff’s officer.

Curiouser or curiouser.

My question is, given what has been going on with the police lately, do you believe their version of the story?

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Late Night Political Humor

“President Obama is apparently back on speaking terms with Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan. I guess their disagreements over Israel have made their relationship somewhat complicated. But not as complicated as the name, ‘Recep Tayyip Erdogan’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“There’s a luxury Middle Eastern airline that’s going to start offering first-class passengers a suite with bedrooms, a kitchenette, and shower. United Airlines says you can enjoy the same amenities if you cancel your flight and stay home.” – Conan O’Brien

“To commemorate the 25th anniversary of ‘Field of Dreams,’ the Iowa State Fair is displaying a 200-pound butter sculpture of Kevin Costner. Or as Paula Deen put it, ‘If you build it … I will come.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Rick Perry is fueling speculation that he’ll run in 2016 by visiting the Iowa State Fair. Unfortunately, he hurt his chances by holding a two-hour conversation with that butter sculpture of Kevin Costner.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Yesterday Fox News medical expert Dr. Keith Ablow told viewers that Michelle Obama needs to drop a few. So I think there’s a good chance Michelle Obama is going to drop Dr. Keith Ablow.” – Seth Meyers

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Getting the Business

I love it when Republicans try to get the Hispanic vote.

In a political ad run by Florida Governor Rick Scott, small businessman Maikel Duarte-Torres gives the gov a hug and says:

Four years ago, the economy was very bad. Rick Scott helped Florida’s economy and you can see the difference. He’s created jobs. That’s why I support Rick Scott. I’m just like him. I’m like the American Dream.

There’s just one problem. Four years ago, Cuban-born Duarte-Torres was convicted of attempting to smuggle Cubans from St. Maarten to Miami. He was the alleged mastermind of the human smuggling ring that operated in several Caribbean islands. Although he was sentenced to two years in jail, he was released after serving only two days because of a lack of room in the local prison.

Yup, that’s the American Dream!

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