“Many scam artists are trying to take advantage of the problems with the Obamacare website. Experts say you can tell it’s a scam site if you enter your information and it quickly and efficiently signs you up for healthcare.” – Conan O’Brien
“German veterinarians have a tortoise moving again after giving him a Lego wheel as a prosthetic limb. That Obamacare is amazing, isn’t it? It’s just helping everyone.” – Jay Leno
“It just came out that President Obama brings a portable security tent with him on overseas trips so that he can read classified documents. He sets up a tent in his hotel room. Obama said it’s a good way to avoid being spied on while he keeps track of who he has spied on.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Yesterday President Obama honored our oldest living veteran, a man who is 107 years old. Today President Obama told him he can finally come home from Afghanistan.” – Jay Leno
“A company is now selling bacon-scented deodorant. That’s great if you’re dating the governor of New Jersey.” – David Letterman
“Today a reporter asked Chris Christie, ‘What do you think of 2016?’ And Christie said, ‘I think it’s a good weight to get down to.'” – Jay Leno
“It seems that during his re-election campaign this year, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie paid $46,000 to get advice from former strategists for Mitt Romney. The advice he got: ‘If you ever want to be president, don’t listen to us’.” – Jay Leno
“’60 Minutes’ had a story that turned out not to be true about Benghazi. They had to apologize. And then today they were embarrassed again. It turns out the stopwatch on ’60 Minutes’ is not accurate.” – David Letterman
“Wal-Mart announced that this Thanksgiving they are opening earlier than they ever have. Because what better way to celebrate the pilgrims’ arrival than buying crap from China.” – Conan O’Brien
“The U.S. intelligence community is hoping to update their facial recognition technology. It’s the government’s way of trying to keep up with Bruce Jenner.” – Conan O’Brien
