“Have you been watching ‘The Bible’? They have a character who plays Satan, and he looks a little bit like President Obama. And I thought, ‘If President Obama was actually Satan, Republicans might be willing to deal with him.'” – David Letterman
“The guy who plays Satan on the History Channel’s ‘The Bible’ looks like President Obama. Even Rush Limbaugh was outraged. He was like, ‘How can you do that to Satan?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Michelle Obama is going to appear on the cover of the April issue of Vogue magazine. And also look for President Obama next month on the cover of The Economist. It’s their annual April Fools issue.” – Jay Leno
“Hillary Clinton came out today in support of gay marriage. Now she faces her greatest challenge yet – getting her husband to support straight marriage.” – Craig Ferguson
“To celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, Carnival Cruise had all their toilets overflowing with green water.” – Jay Leno
“You know the whole legend of St. Patrick, right? St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland — and then they came to the United States and became NBC executives.” – Jay Leno
