“I’m still reeling from yesterday’s inauguration disaster. First off, where was security? The Secret Service is supposed to protect the president and first lady, but in the middle of a kiss, they were viciously photobombed. Enjoy Gitmo, Malia.” – Stephen Colbert
“The president gave a brief but powerful speech. He did not shy away from the many challenges he faces: a massive federal deficit, a conservative majority in the House, an aging population, runaway entitlements, humongous ears.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Actually, you know who gave the shortest inauguration speech in history? George Washington. It was only like three minutes long. Well, sure. George Washington couldn’t tell a lie.” – Jay Leno
“Where did we go wrong? The Republicans had everything going for them – a terrible economy, an unpopular incumbent, and a positive message for the American voter: ‘less than half of you are parasites’.” – Stephen Colbert
“At the inaugural ball, President Obama was caught doing some very stiff and awkward dance moves. In other words, Obama is already reaching out to Republicans.” – Conan O’Brien
“On the news they made a big deal out of the fact that four years ago there were twice as many people at President Obama’s first inauguration than there was at this one. That’s because four years ago, twice as many people could afford to stay in hotels.” – Jay Leno
“More than a million people gathered in our nation’s capital yesterday, and tens of millions more watched from home to celebrate the first lady’s new haircut.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Most people seem to like the hair style, though some Republicans are demanding further cuts. But bangs aren’t easy to pull off. As far as I know, the only other women who have done it successfully this decade are Jessica Biel and Justin Bieber.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The CEO of Whole Foods is criticizing Obamacare, once again calling it fascism. He did this before when he called it socialism. And he said the problem with socialism is eventually you run out of other people’s money. As opposed to shopping at Whole Foods, where you eventually run out of your own money.” – Jay Leno
“Video game-maker Atari has filed for bankruptcy. Atari fans are so upset they’re organizing a massive letter-writing campaign to President Reagan.” – Conan O’Brien
“The post office may sue Lance Armstrong for all of the money they spent sponsoring his team. In fact, after all these lawsuits, they say that Lance Armstrong could end up as broke as the post office.” – Jay Leno
3 Comments
I’m glad you include Jay Leno in these lists. It helps emphasize how much better the other comedians are. Also, frames the issues.
Thank you for saying that. I totally agree!
I get so many complaints about Leno (I mainly agree with them), but I think it is important to get a spectrum of humor. Too much of the internet is just an echo chamber. I think Leno reflects the clichés that much of America believes, even if they aren’t always accurate.
I agree that he should be included. As you said, I seldom agree with him, but it does seem that his “humor” is less funny, less truthful, more right leaning and just a bit mean at times. I suspect one or more of his writers do not agree with him politically so every now and then there will be a more left leaning jab in an attempt to appear “fair and balanced”.