“Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.” – Bill Maher
“Are you excited about Halloween? People go out pretending to be something they’re not, looking for handouts. It’s like running for president.” – David Letterman
“You know what the popular costume with the kids is this year? They get black face and a valium and they go as first-debate Obama.” – Bill Maher
“We had the last presidential debate. A very subdued Mitt Romney I thought. If you saw it, Obama would talk, and then Mitt would say, ‘what he said, but from a white guy’.” – Bill Maher
“He morphed into Obama so hard at the end of it he went over and hugged Michelle.” – Bill Maher
“In the last three weeks, Mitt Romney has come out against tax cuts for the rich, against war, and suddenly for regulations, for teachers, for auto bailouts, for the UN, for birth control, for foreign aid. And what I love is that at this point it’s too late for the Tea Party to do anything about this except act like they’re okay with it. At this point they’re like Jerry Sandusky’s wife.” – Bill Maher
“Today Mitt Romney picked up the endorsement of Meat Loaf. When Chris Christie heard that Meat Loaf was behind Romney, he pushed Romney out of the way.” – Bill Maher
“Today Mitt Romney advised that men should head for the shelters and women should remain in their binders.” – Bill Maher
“If these evangelical Republicans were any more anti-woman, I would think that they’re repressed homo… wait a second!” – Bill Maher
“It’s now reported that Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to star in another ‘Conan’ movie. In this one, Conan has a son with the woman who cleans his castle.” – Jay Leno
“They’re saying the Frankenstorm could be the worst storm ever. What’s happening is a cold front from Canada and low pressure from the hurricane are colliding with the hot air from Donald Trump.” – Bill Maher
“Donald Trump has been fired from managing the upscale condominium in New York City known as ‘Trump Place’. The condominium board fired him. Finally a job loss Obama can be happy about. ” – Jay Leno
“President Obama is now getting some criticism for calling Mitt Romney a B.S.’er. I don’t think that means ‘big spender.'” – Jay Leno
“You know who is celebrating a birthday? Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. He’ll be 55 years old on Sunday. The United States has put severe sanctions on his cake.” – David Letterman
