“Donald Trump is now attacking President Obama’s grades, suggesting that he was a poor student. First it was the birth certificate, and now the grades. Trump won’t be happy until he proves that Obama doesn’t exist.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“It was just revealed that Donald Trump hasn’t voted in primary elections in over 20 years. Or in simpler terms, Trump hasn’t voted in primary elections in over three wives.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump says President Obama plays too much golf. Trump was playing golf during the interview. Trump says the President should be at work, like negotiating a peace treaty between Gary Busey and Meatloaf.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“A new poll shows that President Obama’s approval rating is down to 41 percent. A lot of people that voted for him now say they liked him a lot better when he was a Democrat.” – Jay Leno
“House Speaker John Boehner said that President Obama needs to grow up. And then he burst into tears.” – Jay Leno
“The United States is sending its most powerful drone to Libya. That’s a long trip for Joe Biden.” – Jay Leno
“The Libyan government says Moammar Gadhafi is still in ‘high spirits,’ even though his compound was destroyed this week. Most people would be devastated, but here’s the thing — he’s insane.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson has announced that he will run for president in 2012. His campaign slogan: ‘Even I’ve never heard of me.'” – Jay Leno
