Political Irony

“I do not understand the electorate. This country is hurting in a way we haven’t since the Depression. People struggling all over this country, and they came out and voted for the party that says right up front they will suspend your unemployment benefits and repeal health care. To go against your self-interest more you’d have to literally go f*ck yourself.” – Bill Maher

“A special shout-out to the independent geniuses, who switched sides again because President Chocolate Jesus did not make it rain twenties in two years.” – Bill Maher

“You know what, you independents, if you can vote for Bush one year, and then the next election vote for Obama, and then go back to John Boehner, you’re not independents, you’re schizophrenic. You’re Norman Bates, sometimes you dress up as your mom and kill sluts in the shower, and sometimes you put on pants and mop up. Well, congratulations America, on Tuesday you put on the dress and killed again.” – Bill Maher

“How about those elections? Here’s how it breaks down now. We have a Republican House. We have a Democratic Senate. And we have a President with veto power. Smooth sailing, right? No problems there.” – David Letterman

“America put the crazy people who got us into this mess back in charge, and California won’t let us get high to get over it.” – Bill Maher

“This was the biggest landslide since the ’30s. The Republicans picked up 63 seats. I haven’t seen the Republicans so happy about taking seats since they made Rosa Parks stand up.” – Bill Maher

“Here’s how huge their victory was. They actually elected two black people on the Republican side in Congress, and seven gay Republicans. Of course, you won’t find out who they are until they get caught in a rest stop somewhere.” – Bill Maher

“Well, it looks like John Boehner will be the new Speaker of the House. He is the son of a bartender, one of 12 children. He grew up in a two room home with just one bathroom, worked his way through school, became the first person in his family to graduate from college. And, sadly, fell in with the wrong crowd and wound up in Congress.” – Jay Leno

“Did you see the new speaker of the House John Boeher cry? He cries a lot. Mr. Boehner you’ve got to stop crying. For one, your tan is going to run. And what’s he going to do if he loses next time? Put on a Bjork record and cut himself?” – Bill Maher

“You know who Boehner is, right? He’s that orange looking guy. See, for Republicans that counts as diversity.” – Jay Leno

“And Boehner, very serious about cutting back on spending. I saw him day, touching up his tan with an orange sharpie.” – Jay Leno

“Just in time for the Republican sweep, George Bush has a new memoir that just came out. He was on the Today Show plugging it. He said his lowest moment of the whole presidency was when Kanye West said he didn’t care about black people. Well, I got news for you. Black people don’t care about you either. Mr. Bush.” – Bill Maher

“Levi Johnston said in an interview that Sarah Palin is not qualified to be President. And, believe me, if there’s anyone who knows about not being qualified for something it is Levi Johnston.” – Jay Leno