Political Irony

“Election day is so over. We are going to have divided government now. The Senate and the House have become Dina and Michael Lohan, and we’re all Lindsay.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Finally, the 2010 elections are over and we can get started on the campaign for 2012.” – Craig Ferguson

The Republicans won by a mudslide.” – Jay Leno

“In Washington today volunteers were washing the mud off Democrats and releasing them back into the wild.” – David Letterman

“You can tell it’s winter. The Democrats have gone into hibernation.” – David Letterman

“Voters didn’t like how President Obama was handling the economy. Wait a minute — he was handling the economy?” – David Letterman

“All year long, the Democrats were telling people to ‘get out and vote.’ Then people told the Democrats, ‘We voted, now get out!'” – Jay Leno

“The election was horrible for Democrats but wonderful for moving companies in the D.C. area.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Republicans won big on election day. They say their two big priorities are cutting taxes and reducing the debt. Which is sort of like wanting to lose weight and win ‘Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.'” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Republicans are in charge now. We all remember how well that worked last time.” – David Letterman

“I loved how the different news networks covered the elections. On MSNBC, it was called ‘Election Night 2010: What Went Wrong?’ At Fox News, it was ‘Election Night 2010: Party!'” – Jay Leno

“Christine O’Donnell lost her election by 20 percent. In a brief concession speech, she said ‘I’m melting.'” – Craig Ferguson

“Christine O’Donnell, after losing her election in Delaware, said ‘Our voices were heard.’ In your head, lady.” – David Letterman

“Christine O’Donnell lost her election by 20 percent. She’s planning to retire to her house in the country where she’ll lure children with candy and gingerbread.” – Craig Ferguson

“Pundits say Christine O’Donnell’s political career may be over, but she still has six months as a punchline.” – David Letterman

“Not only did Meg Whitman lose, now she can’t find anybody to clean her house.” –Jay Leno

“Despite being caught paying $300 for a prostitute David Vitter easily won reelection. Voters respected his fiscal conservatism, paying only $300, compared to liberal Eliot Spitzer who paid $5,000. That’s a $4,700 savings to the taxpayers right there.” – Jay Leno

“Thousands of marijuana enthusiasts went to the polls this morning in California to support Prop 19. Unfortunately, the election was the day before.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Supporters of Prop 19 believed the new law would have raised billions of dollars in tax revenue and created thousands of jobs for people to be too stoned to show up to.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“On the bright side, at least now there will be some leftovers at Thanksgiving.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The CNN election coverage was constantly being interrupted by text messages from Brett Favre. Then the commentator would say,’ There’s a big swing to the right in Minnesota.'” – Craig Ferguson

“The Tea Party needs to pick a tougher name. ‘Tea Party’ sounds like something I do with my ferrets every Sunday.” – Craig Ferguson