“Christine O’Donnell has a new commercial where she says, ‘I’m not a witch.’ Isn’t that exactly what a witch would say?” ” – David Letterman
“Christine O’Donnell has a new ad in which she tells voters, ‘I’m you, I’m just like you.’ Of course, a lot of people are going, ‘Really, you’re me? Well, I don’t belong in the U.S. Senate either. I want somebody smarter than me, and that’s not you!” – Jay Leno
“Donald Trump is running for president. He’s already got a short list of running mates. He’s thinking about Cyndi Lauper, Hulk Hogan, Melissa Rivers, Sharon Osbourne … He’s ready to go.” – David Letterman
“Donald Trump may run for president. Wouldn’t that be exciting? We haven’t had a president who wore a powdered wig since John Quincy Adams.” – Jay Leno
“Trump refers to the White House as a ‘200-year-old tear-down.'” – David Letterman
“There are rumors of an Obama-Hillary ticket for 2012, though some insiders say Obama doesn’t feel he needs Hillary on the ticket. At this point, I don’t think Hillary feels that she needs Obama on the ticket.” – Jay Leno
“The latest Gallup poll gives congressional Republicans the best poll numbers they’ve ever had. They say this could be the biggest Republican year since 1894. So for the second time, John McCain could be swept to victory.” – Jay Leno
“Former vice president and presidential candidate Walter Mondale criticized President Obama for using teleprompters. He called them ‘idiot boards.’ Of course, Democrats were stunned. They said, ‘Walter Mondale is still alive?'” – Jay Leno
“President Obama wants community colleges to produce an additional 5 million graduates by 2020. People in community college were like, ‘Whoa, you want us to finish in only 10 years? Stop with the pressure.'” – Jimmy Fallon
