“Everyone is talking about Steven Slater, the flight attendant who cursed at a passenger, grabbed two beers, and slid down the escape slide, in what may be the best resignation ever. In fact he’s so good at quitting, they’re thinking about making him the next governor of Alaska.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“It could be the first time in history that someone has been arrested for going down an inflatable slide.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“If anyone is looking for a job, there’s an opening for a flight attendant at JetBlue. … Steven Slater, the famous JetBlue flight attendant, dropped so many F-bombs on that plane that he got a thumbs up from Joe Biden.” – Jay Leno
“Health officials in Oregon have shut down a 7-year-old girl’s lemonade stand because she didn’t have a license. Officials haven’t issued a statement yet. They’re busy popping balloon animals and stomping on sand castles.” – Craig Ferguson
“Levi Johnston is running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. The current mayor said Levi Johnston should get his high school diploma and keep his clothes on if he wants to win. And then Levi was like, ‘Dude, he just told me how to win. What an idiot.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“The New Orleans Saints visited the White House. They presented President Obama with a Saints jersey with the number 44, in honor of his approval rating.” – Jay Leno
“The Mexican Supreme Court ruled that all Mexican states must recognize same-sex marriages registered in Mexico City. So men can now marry in Mexico, but they still can’t honeymoon in Arizona.” – Jimmy Kimmel
