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We will adopt English as our official language, as soon as we learn it

The Tea Party in the township of Homer, Illinois has decided that they need to take action against the illegal immigrant plague (which they don’t have) and declare English to be their official language. Here’s the text of their resolution, how many errors can you spot?

Homer Township Board recognizes that there most likely no serious problem with illegal immigration, in the Township, but wants to make it policy to enforce the Rule of law in Homer Township. We support the right to make this statement and encourage other Townships, Cities, and the State to follow suit. We are asking for nothing to be added or taken away from the existing law. We recognize Native Americans had the first language in our Country, followed by Western European dialects, with English eventually becoming dominant. Traditionally becoming a citizen required speaking English, accepting the United States as their Country, and assimilating into the population.

The Homer Township Board, supports actions to enforce existing immigration law, enforce residency requirements in our school districts, and acknowledge that English the dominant language of Homer Township.

Whereas, the Homer Township Board understands the Tax burden imposed by illegal immigrants, the Homer Township Board supports actions to enforce existing immigration law.

Whereas, children who are not residents in our school districts and attending our schools, contribute to overcrowding, and increase our Tax burden. The Homer Township Board supports efforts on the part of the school districts to enforce, and verify residency, as prescribed by law.

Where as, there is a cost for government in having multiple languages, the Homer Township Board adopts English as the official language of Homer Township, in accordance with all Federal and State Laws.

NOW THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that the Board of Homer Township
supports actions to enforce existing immigration law; as well as the school districts verifying residency for each student; as well as making English the official language of Homer Township, in accordance/ compliance with existing Federal and State Laws.

Adopted this 12th day of July 2010 by the Homer Township Board of Trustees:

A post in The Economist claims to have found 13 errors (more than one per sentence!), not including the weird commas and the mysterious colon at the end.

Even the authors of the resolution admitted that illegal immigration isn’t actually a problem. Hispanics make up around twelve percent of the local population, which is about average, and township documents are always printed in English (and nobody has ever requested otherwise).

They also claimed that the resolution wasn’t aimed at singling out any one ethnic group. They may not know English, but they sure know how to lie.

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8 Comments

  1. ebdoug wrote:

    Over and over I hear people say they want English as our official language. I bite my tongue wanting to say “Then why don’t you speak it or write it?” Total hypocrisy. Our teachers don’t speak English in the local school system. “Give it to he and I.”

    Tuesday, July 20, 2010 at 5:24 am | Permalink
  2. starluna wrote:

    There are several factual errors as well.

    In terms of syntax, however, my favorite is found in the first line. As structured, they are saying that they want to make illegal immigration a policy.

    Tuesday, July 20, 2010 at 7:36 am | Permalink
  3. Ruth wrote:

    The colon at the end is only weird because the signatories were not listed after it. In my experience, such use of a colon is standard for proclamations. I’m amazed they could get that much right, given how much is wrong with the whole thing.

    Tuesday, July 20, 2010 at 1:01 pm | Permalink
  4. Sammy wrote:

    Eye counted know errors cuz have whey threw the first sentence me gots a ice creem headache.

    Tuesday, July 20, 2010 at 3:26 pm | Permalink
  5. patriotsgt wrote:

    Almost as bad as that Milwaukie county supervisor that didn’t know Arizona was a border state. Hilarious! Our country’s leadership on the right and left, and they say our education system works, not!

    Tuesday, July 20, 2010 at 5:52 pm | Permalink
  6. Highlander wrote:

    The next person who puts a comma in front of ‘and’ is getting a hiding! :-)

    Wednesday, July 21, 2010 at 3:56 pm | Permalink
  7. patriotsgt wrote:

    , and, and, and, it’s not a term paper, it’s literary writing so term paper rules don’t apply. nah na nah na nah nah. LOL

    Thursday, July 22, 2010 at 6:43 am | Permalink
  8. Iron Knee wrote:

    Highlander, there are definitely cases where putting a comma before “and” is correct usage. Unfortunately, this resolution didn’t manage to find any of them.

    Thursday, July 22, 2010 at 2:25 pm | Permalink