“What I find so amusing about all of this is that Obama’s been in office 45 days roughly, and the public is blaming this all on him. It’s the Obama Recession, which is kind of true, because if McCain had won, Sarah Palin would still be buying clothes.” – Bill Maher
“No wonder Obama has gray hair. That was the big story in the paper yesterday, Obama has gray hair. Wow, now his hair isn’t black enough.” – Bill Maher
“The economy is so bad O.J. had to shut down the DNA lab he was using to find the real killers. That’s how bad.” – Jay Leno
“Stock market keeps going down and down and down. Today I tipped my cabdriver with 100 shares of GM stock.” – David Letterman
“The economy is in bad shape. In fact, the economy is so bad, even people who don’t like Barack Obama aren’t paying their taxes.” – Jay Leno
“I’d love to give you some good economic news, but here’s what I got. Billionaire investor Warren Buffett said that our current economic crisis is as bad as the attack on Pearl Harbor, but still not as bad as the movie ‘Pearl Harbor.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“The New York Stock Exchange, by the way, if you are interested, is now a 99 cent store so get down there and do what you can.” – David Letterman
“Well, in a stunning announcement, Citigroup showed a profit and had its best quarter since 2007. They made $8 billion in profit. That just goes to show you, you give a company $45 billion in government bailout money, and they’ll show you how to turn it into $8 billion. See this is capitalism!” – Jay Leno
“Well, this is kind of exciting. There’s talk president Barack Obama wants to lift trade restrictions with Cuba, which is great news for anybody here looking to buy a ’58 Buick.” – Jay Leno
“Finally, Esquire magazine just released its list of the best dressed men in the world. Barack Obama was number four. Coming in first? Hillary Clinton.” – Jimmy Fallon
“And former President George W. Bush says he’ll start a national speaking tour soon. You know, as soon as he learns how to speak.” – Jay Leno
“In North Korea, they’re grooming President Kim Jong-il’s son to take over for him. You know, we should let the of people in North Korea know, this doesn’t always work out the best.” – Jay Leno
