Thank you for your email. We’ll add it to the confusing pile on the edge of our desk.

While we admire your dedication to customer service, we have to admit that we find your frequent apology emails baffling. There was no service outage between 2001 and 2008. We have been getting a steady supply of liberty and democracy from your fine organisation. The only difference is that over the last few years we’ve been getting increasingly distressed emails from your PR Department apologising for an outage that hasn’t actually occurred.

Frankly, we’re begining to wonder if your PR Department has ever spoken to the staff in Supply. How about sitting down with your own people and actually communicating with them about how your organisation functions, rather than making a few insecure and slightly unhinged assumptions and then broadcasting them to us at The World?

Some of us at The World are also a little concerned that your much-vaunted January upgrade will in reality be a shiny new interface masking an inferior platform. The old interface may have been a little clunky but at least we knew that it wouldn’t fall over the first time we put demands on it.

In conclusion, we thank you for your ongoing provision of quality liberty and democracy, and ask only two things: one, please stop apologising for an outage that didn’t occur, and two, please don’t confuse novelty with quality.

With kind regards,

The World

This is what you should have written:

“Dear world, you’re on your own. We are going European, from now on we will let tyrants and terrorists do what they will while we ask the UN to pass pointless resolutions that the criminals of the world will wipe their asses with.”

You do need to apologize, not for the USA, but to the USA. Apologize for living here but not understanding a damn thing about this country.
It is the last bastion of freedom anywhere, even though the freedoms of its citizens are continually being eroded. If you find that hard to believe,
you need to try to explain to yourself WHY it is that much of the rest of the world wants to come here. And if you really did find that hard to believe,
and really did think the world outside of the USA is such a better place that needs sucking up to, you would be there instead of here. So why aren’t you?
Has there ever been a socialist country characterized by freedom? No, there hasn’t, but don’t let that bother you.
Why can’t we have socialism and freedom together? Because people want to pursue their own interests, after all, and you need freedom for that.

Do you really think Omommy is going to take care of things? Not in a good way – he doesn’t have a clue, and you will find out that you and he both have that going for you.

Oh, and have a nice day.

There is a small glitch with the new upgrade. Operations might revert to 1976 operating standards. Don’t get your hopes up for a change just yet

Wrong, wrong, wrong. There is no such thing as an aftermath from the previous administration. Check out the playbook re: the inherited recession of 2001 and the buildup to 9/11.