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Late Night Humor

“It was kind of surprising; they really love Obama in Germany. He’s like a rock star over there. It’s impressive until you realize that David Hasselhoff is also like a rock star over there.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Today in Berlin, Barack Obama spoke to a crowd of over 200,000 people. In fact, he was so eager to please the Germans, he promised he’d name David Hasselhoff as vice president.” -Jay Leno

“It’s been a great week for Obama. To say he say won the photo-op battle this week is like saying Batman did okay at the box office. Let’s just recap. Here’s Obama this week hitting a long jump shot in front of troops in Afghanistan. And here’s John McCain, he’s being interrupted by the supermarket cashier in the prepackaged meat aisle at a grocery store. Things are so bad for John McCain — I know this is going to seem like a joke — but I did a Google news search for John McCain and here’s what came up: nothing. That’s real. I mean, it must have been a malfunction. Fortunately, he doesn’t know how to get on the internet, so it probably won’t bother him.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“It was leaked yesterday regarding a possible vice presidential running mate. John McCain could be leaning towards Tim Pawlenty. I know what you’re thinking. THE Tim Pawlenty? Apparently, McCain wants to lower his profile even more. I’m not even sure who Pawlenty was, so I Googled him and it said ‘Who?’ … He’s governor of Minnesota, is that what it is? Pawlenty, doesn’t it sound like a dish at the Olive Garden? ‘Let me have some pawlenty with the meat sauce.’” -Jay Leno

“Here’s the latest on John Edwards’ vice presidential chances. Too much vice, not enough presidential. Have you heard this story? The mainstream media is now starting to report on a story that was first broken by the National Enquirer this week. The National Enquirer claimed they caught John Edwards visiting his mistress at 2:40 in the morning at the Beverly Hills hotel Monday night. And when a team of reporters confronted him, he ran and hid in the men’s room! And you know who was in there? Senator Larry Craig. What are the odds?” -Jay Leno

“McCain said he’d balance the budget by the end of the year, and Barack Obama said he’d would bring peace between Israel and the Palestinians. I don’t know who not to believe.” -Jay Leno

“The price of oil has dropped to under $125 a barrel for the first time in two months. And gasoline is down six cents a gallon. You know what this means. The White House will call for an emergency bailout to help the struggling oil companies. ‘We got to stop the bleeding!’” -Jay Leno

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2 Comments

  1. Ted wrote:

    Here’s the likely Veep pick.

    Q&A

    1. Which McCain Veep pick is SIMULTANEOUSLY the safest AND boldest?

    ANSWER: Sarah Palin

    2. How can McCain SIMULTANEOUSLY attract both Hillary AND Bob Barr voters?

    ANSWER: Sarah Palin

    * * *

    On that, this just in from the Conservative Voice:

    “Desperately seeking Sarah
    July 26, 2008 10:00 AM EST

    By Stephan Andrew Brodhead

    Desperately seeking Sarah
    Americans need a little Palin Power

    Sarah Palin the current Governor of Alaska is John McCain’s ultimate choice for VP. I do believe a woman is next in line for the presidency. All Conservatives like her. She is popular in Alaska. Hillary supporters would relish her. She would solidify a 12 or possibly 16 year Republican executive.

    John McCain’s boring campaign is wearing thin. I need a little Palin Power to get me interested again. They would say ‘but she is only a half term Governor!’ And your point is?

    That’s all I have to say about that!”

    Sunday, July 27, 2008 at 8:36 pm | Permalink
  2. iron wrote:

    Are we talking about the same Sarah Palin who broke the law to get her brother-in-law fired? Yeah, I agree — this would definitely make things more interesting!

    http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5g-VHd9x2EjxRFJMwCJqsjMd-l9EwD9278I300

    Monday, July 28, 2008 at 11:09 pm | Permalink